Conscious Choices

Every day we are confronted with millions of choices. How we make a choice, and what we choose, is determined by so many factors -- past experiences, influence of others, our senses, our teachers, peer pressure and other outside influences, etc. It would be naive to think that our choices are ever random or ours alone; all of our life experiences play a part in every choice we make. And each choice we make influences future choices.

For the past few years, I have tried to evaluate my choices in light of what brings the greatest amount of good, and the least amount of harm, to others. While psychologists urge us to make choices based on what feels good or makes us happy, experience teaches that taking care of others is the only thing that brings lasting happiness. For example, visiting Nikky, and making her happy, brings me much more and longer-lasting joy than a new pair of shoes (not that shoes don't work too). Or refraining from yelling at someone is much better than yelling, which will only make me feel agitated and upset, as well as upset the other person. As the saying goes, if you can change the situation, why get upset? If you can't change the situation, why get upset? In yoga, this practice is called ahimsa or doing no harm . Some of the choices I've made to "do no harm" (or at least less harm) are switching to organic house cleaning products and foods, being very aggressive about recycling and conserving, and becoming a vegetarian. None of these choices have been difficult -- they all happened gradually and felt natural. No big deal.

But yesterday I had an experience that was almost the straw that broke the camel's back. I went to our local Whole Foods to buy some produce. The nice thing about shopping at Whole Foods is feeling like all the right grocery choices have already been made for you. But there, above each fruit and vegetable, was a sign saying where the item was grown. And there I was, confronted with a hard choice -- how can I buy grapes that were grown in Costa Rica, even if they are organic, knowing that a plane brought them here and therefore purchasing them leaves a big carbon footprint? And the strawberries I love so much were grown in Chile -- same problem. Why did Whole Foods have to give me this much information? I had to make a choice, and sadly passed the grapes and strawberries by, for Macintosh apples grown in upstate New York.

Sometimes, it is easier not to know the facts. Nikky, for example, lives a choice free life. Annette helps her wash and dress each morning and evening, picking out her clothes. In the dining room, Olga serves Nikky her food -- there is no menu to choose from or decisions to make. There is no agonizing about how to prioritize the day, no list to check off, no appointments to juggle. Just living each moment.

Not that I would trade places. Not yet. I just hope that if and when I get to Nikky's stage of life, I can relax in my lack of choices. There is definitely a peace to be found in a simple life.