Point of View

One of my favorite characters in "The Phantom Tollbooth" is Alec Bing, a boy whose feet are three feet off the ground. Alec thinks that Milo must be very old to have reached the ground already. He is astonished to learn that in Milo's world, people start on the ground and grow up, and never know where their heads will end up until they get to their full height. Alec thinks this is a very silly system, "Then your head keeps changing its height and you always see things in a different way. Why, when you're fifteen things won't look at all the way they did when you were ten, and at twenty everything will change again." Unlike Milo, Alec always sees things from the same point of view.

I was thinking about this yesterday after I visited Walpan. After lunch, I took Nikky outside to the front porch. We sat and felt the warm breeze and marveled at the vibrant colors of the flowers. When I told her I had to leave, she complained that the visit was so short and the time went by too fast. From her point of view, my visit made the day different and exciting. From my point of view, the time I spend with Nikky is almost time that stands still. It is calm and serene, and one of the few times in my day that moments are full and ripe. Before and after my visits to Walpan, I jump in and out of a life crammed with tasks and destinations: illustrating, running the Glen Ridge community theater program, teaching and studying yoga, not to mention playing with, chauffering, supervising, feeding and cleaning up after children. My wonderful husband indulges all of my activities and is proud of me for all I do, even though I always feel like I'm neglecting him. In contrast, before and after I leave Walpan, Nikky's days are the same -- sitting, sleeping, and walking the short distance from her room to the dining room.

Even though she and I are in the same time and place, sharing the same moments, our experience of the visit is not at all the same except that we are both happy to be in each other's company. Even our experience of the passing of time is different. During our visits, time stands still for me. For Nikky, time flies. When I leave, our experience of time reverses. In my life, there is never enough time. For Nikky, days are long and filled with stillness.

In his transformative book, "The Diamond Cutter," Geshe Michael Roach talks about the importance of putting yourself in someone else's shoes, and seeing the world through their eyes. He calls it the "Jampa" method, after a bhuddist monk who had an intuitive ability to anticipate other's needs. Without speaking, he knew just how they felt and what they needed. He was able to see through their eyes, and feel with their feelings. We often get so caught up in our individual experiences of the world that we come to believe that our way is the only way -- our conclusions about what is happening are the right ones. It is very useful to stop, and try to see the world as someone else is living it. Even someone in the next seat is having a completely different experience. This is a very useful exercise, particularly when the point of view we are taking causes unhappiness. How does the experience look from another point of view? Just thinking that thought can change your life.